I was talking recently to someone who's just moved to New York from another country, which got me thinking about my own move, and the lessons I learned from it. In the hope of giving a little comfort to someone like Amy from 2008, here are a few tips on settling in to your new life as an expat.
HOW TO: BE A NEW EXPAT.
1. BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF
When
I first moved to the States, I was in almost complete denial of the
scale of the change I was making in my life. It's only America, I told
myself. My mother is American, and I had been to this country - if not
New York City itself - a number of times growing up. It isn't as if I
have to learn a new language or a whole new set of cultural norms. I
won't need to work on adjusting! Looking back now, I can say with
absolute confidence that this attitude was the biggest mistake I made in
those early days, and caused me a lot of heartache later on. Because I
never acknowledged the gravity of the change I was making, I wasn't able
to recognise that after the initial excitement wore off, the
homesickness which set in was totally normal. At the time, I thought
there was something wrong with me that I wasn't able to be totally happy
about being in this amazing place, and I was miserable. Trust me - you
have just left every familiar comfort you've ever known and made the
biggest change of your life. Give yourself some credit for the chutzpah that
took. When pangs for home set in, trust
your judgement.
2. FIND YOUR SUPPORT NETWORK
I'm
sure you could do this on your own, but why should you? It will be a lot easier if you find some fellow expats (or, if you're in NYC, west coasters will do in a pinch) to comiserate with. A few weeks in to my first
year, I became absolutely convinced that I'd made a terrible mistake. I had the phone number of a fellow Aussie at my university; a
junior I'd never even met. I called him out of the blue, certain that he would
think I was a psychopath, and asked him how on earth he did it. Not only did he not think I was a psychopath, but he came
over to my dorm and sat on my stoop with me while I freaked out. He told me that his first
semester was so tough that he considered not coming back after his first winter break. Then he took me to a
party and introduced me to a dozen new people. That night - and his simple kindness - was a turning point in my happiness here.
If you're in a big city, chances are there's a network for people from
your home already in existence. (There are so many groups for Australians in
New York!) If you're in a more rural area, this might be more difficult,
but there are definitely still support systems out there. Find someone who's made a big change and get their advice on how they coped with the adjustment. If you're at
a college, join an international students' group. If one doesn't
exist, create it. Find the people who've been through what you're going
through, and don't be afraid to lean on them when you're struggling.
Just be sure to pay it forward to another new kid when you're happily
settled!
3. GET OUT AND EXPLORE!
The
best way to feel at home in your new home is to get to know it as best
you can, quickly. Get out of your house and get out in it!
If you're in a mass-transit friendly city like NYC, get yourself a
metro card and get out of your neighbourhood. Pick a new part of town each
weekend and spend a day or an afternoon wandering its streets. I taught
myself how to get around on the subways by picking a station I'd never
been to and walking its surrounding neighbourhoods for an hour or two.
Then, once I was ready to head back, I had to get home by finding a
station and a subway line different to the one I'd arrived on. If
you're not in as walkable a city, pick a neighbourhood or street you've
never been to, drive there, and get out of your car to explore for a
little while. On the way home, try to take different roads than you
took to get there. Now that you probably have a smartphone in your
pocket, you'll also spend a lot less time wandering lost than my 2008 flip phone
and I did.
4. EMBRACE DIFFERENCES (EVEN WHEN YOU WANT THE FAMILIAR)
Sometimes
the differences between your old home and your new one are going to be
so stark that you'll feel like you've moved to an entirely new planet.
The reality is that, from place to place, the differences in
conventional ways of speaking, thinking, and behaving can differ hugely.
These differences can be some of the hardest things to adjust to, but
try not to resist them too much - you'll achieve nothing but exhausting
yourself and possibly offending others. When you're feeling overwhelmed or threatened by these
differences, remember that you made this change in your life because you
wanted just that: change. There's very little point in moving to a
new country if all you really want is to be surrounded by people who
think and act just the same as you. What you might perceive as rudeness could be the absolute norm. Rather than rejecting it, explain to your friends how it's different at home, and then do your best to find a middle ground.
5. STAY IN TOUCH - BUT NOT TOO MUCH!
The internet has completely changed what it means to live far from home. When my mum moved to Australia, the only thing she could do besides write her own mum a letter was call her at $2/minute. Thankfully, those days are long over. With just an iPhone you can send free texts over iMessage, make free calls using Skype or Viber, see your friends faces' daily with Snapchat, and so much more. If you find yourself homesick in your new situation, the ability to pick up the phone and call your best friend or parents can be a huge comfort. Be careful, though. While it's amazing and wonderful to be able to keep in touch with home, try to keep it in moderation. Spending all of your time on the phone or haunting your friends' facebooks keeps you from being fully happy in the here and now - your new home. An over-consumption of social media, in particular, is a recipe for trouble. Do you really want to see those photos of all of your friends having a great time at your favourite beach while you freeze your butt off in an underheated apartment? (Trust me, you don't. You'll wind up listening to this song on repeat and tearing up like an idiot every time you get cold.) Close your laptop, put away your phone, and go make a new friend -- in the flesh!
If you've recently made - or are looking to make - a big move, hopefully some of these tips will help you through your transition. When all else fails, just do your best to stay calm, and trust yourself. Even if your initial adjustment seems bleak, remember that this is an adventure, and you went into it for a good reason. Good luck!
Image via.
If you've recently made - or are looking to make - a big move, hopefully some of these tips will help you through your transition. When all else fails, just do your best to stay calm, and trust yourself. Even if your initial adjustment seems bleak, remember that this is an adventure, and you went into it for a good reason. Good luck!
Image via.
